Website: Amused and Abused
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"The wearing of clothes is such a shame," Shaman Obnot said with a serene smile as his followers collected everyone's clothing. Sheppard tried very hard not to look at anyone, which wasn't easy, as they were sitting in a circle... cross-legged, for God's sake.

Sheppard could hear Rodney giggle as Ford shoved his hands in his lap, trying to cover up the fact that he'd obviously sneaked a peek at Teyla, who was sitting calmly opposite him.

"Now, what would you like to trade for the Stone of Wonders?" Obnot asked, standing in front of Sheppard, cradling a ZPM.

"Uh..." Sheppard's face was at crotch height. "What would you like?"

Rodney was giggling again, and Sheppard made a mental note to shoot him once he got his gun back.

"Well, normally we ask for virgins and goats, but your Dr McKay informs me that you don't have any."

"Yeah, we're fresh out. Sorry. How about some nice medical supplies?" Sheppard asked. "I bet they'd clear up that rash in no time at all."

Which is how Atlantis came to be saved by a tube of hydrocortisone cream and a large bottle of antifungal pessaries.